Relationshipz iz tough: your questions answered

Problem: The person I am in love with doesn't love me back
Solution: Start an emo band

Problem: My boyfriend can't make me come
Solution: Dump him because he sux; if this is not an option, buy a vibrator.

Problem: My girlfriend can't make me come
Solution: Seek therapy because you obviously have mental issues

Problem: I throw up every time I give head
Solution: Don't eat for at least 3 hours before giving head

Problem: I want to beat the shit out of my boyfriend during romance times
Solution: Do it. He'll love it.

Problem: The person I'm seeing wants me to eat poop/shave my head/drive an ice pick through my eye and s/he says s/he'll dump me if I don't
Solution: Light his/her face on fire

Problem: The person I am seeing has gained 100 pounds since we started dating
Solution: Either develop a fat fetish or chain him/her to a radiator until s/he has starved off the extra lbs.

Problem: I hate giving head and my partner always wants it
Solution: Just do it really terribly until your partner gives up on you

Problem: My partner and I have different sexual interests
Solution: Swing!