I'm going to continue with this travel stuff, but I'm not going to put in so much detail anymore. It's exhausting and it kind of showcases my no-life, which is not something I'm looking to make public. Anyway.
Bratislava
We were in Bratislava for a total of about 6 hours, so there's not much to say. I never felt very comfortable, but in fairness, that's really because my sister's boyfriend told me that it was super-scary. He travels a lot for fencing and apparently he went to Bratislava with his dad and his black friend and people were really unfriendly because they hate Jews and black people, and they had to bribe a lot of people to not get killed, and the police were unhelpful. The truth is that I think he always stays in the shadiest neighborhoods, and that's why he's always meeting unsavory characters. He told me Budapest was the sketchiest city he'd ever been to, and I was like, "Okay, well, what should I avoid when I'm there?" and he was like, "Well, if you see a hotel with a whole bunch of prostitutes in front and guys approach you and ask if you want to bang one, that's where I was." I feel like if he avoided the red-light districts, he wouldn't be so nervous when he traveled.
Back to Bratislava. They didn't really accept credit cards anywhere, so that was kind of a drag. I bought a really cute puppet there. Eh, I'm going to say I liked it.
Prague
Prague is the most beautiful place I have ever been and I'm going to get married there. When we went, it mostly rained, so we ended up staying inside a lot, in cafes and stuff. Our favorite was Cafe Louvre, which had delicious food and pool, and we spent hours just holed up in there. They handed out maps at every hostel we stayed in, and these maps all had recommendations on them, so we would go to the recommended restaurants and they were mostly good. Sometimes they sucked, though, and we'd end up eating french fries or ice cream for dinner. Irma is a vegetarian and I don't really eat foreign meat, so we didn't have so many options. There was this one place we went where I asked how big an 800-gram plate of french fries was and the waiter was like, "Are you asking me how many fries there are on a plate? I don't have time to count." He gave us free ketchup, though. A lot of places make you pay. Based on my (scant) experience, in Europe, they're really reluctant to give you tap water, and if they do give it to you, it's in a shot glass, and there will be times when you're looking the waiter right in the eye and gesturing for the bill and he'll just keep talking to his friend.
As for sightseeing, I liked the Old Town Hall Tower with the astronomical clock on it. It reminded me of the campanile in the Piazza San Marco in Venice. The synagogue package (you pay a certain amount and you can see like six Jewish sites) is a rip-off. We went on a walking tour, which was pretty cool. They also have really nice stuff to buy. I loooooooooved Prague.
Dresden
Another city we visited for like six hours. Dresden was pretty boring-looking, but I had a nice omelet. Like every street corner has a plaque that says, "This was destroyed during the war," and while I sympathize, I feel like at a certain point you have to stop harping on it or nobody will want to be your friend.
Berlin
Berlin is ugly as fuck. It was basically destroyed during the war and they rebuilt it in this depressing 1950s Soviet style. That being said, I had a good time there. Everyone talks about Berlin having a good vibe, and it's true. Irma and I spent a lot of time in pubs - the Olympics were going on and I loved watching them. Nobody else did, though. They were pretty into soccer.
We went on a bike tour of Berlin, which was really fun. I can't ride a bike, so the guide rode a tandem bike with me. That was special. We rode through this really pretty park, and that was nice, but other than that, everything we saw on the tour was like Holocaust memorials and East Berlin suckage. There was this patch of dirt in the middle of an apartment complex with this metal sign next to it and that was the Führerbunker. Irma thought they shouldn't point it out. I don't know.
We also saw prostitutes in Berlin! It was kind of sad, because we were sitting in an ice cream shop and eating and watching out the window, and there was this lady standing out there on the street with thigh-high boots and a short skirt and a fake-fur jacket and Irma was like, "I think that's a prostitute," and I was like, "No, she can't be, foreigners just dress weird," but we stayed in that shop for like 45 minutes and she just stood there, in the cold, approaching men and getting rejected over and over and over, and there was this group of high schoolers who went up to her and talked to her and then ran away laughing like a bunch of brats. She was not making any money.
If you go to Berlin, I would recommend not staying in the Odyssee Hostel because I got bedbugs there. These places wash the bedsheets, but not the quilts, and I itched for the rest of the trip.
Amsterdam
We weren't here very long and the entire time I was stoned, and when I'm stoned I just fall asleep, so I don't really know about Amsterdam. It was gorgeous, of course, and I think I would have appreciated that more if I hadn't been falling over myself.
We stayed near (or in?) the red-light district, so of course we saw prostitutes! They weren't depressing like the ones in Berlin. For one thing, they were indoors, and the other thing was that they weren't young or above-average pretty, and for some reason, I liked that. I will never forget this one woman's face, she was like 40 or so and her hair was dyed blond and she wasn't fat, but her skin was kind of jiggly, and she just looked totally comfortable hanging out in a window wearing lingerie. I think Amsterdam has laws against pimping, which is of course the way it should be.
Brussels
Brussels is gray and ugly. Everyone's into the waffles, but I don't eat waffles, so I don't know. We met some nice drag queens there, and an idiot diamond trader. I asked him if he traded blood diamonds and he was like, "You're ignorant. You're listening to the media," and I was like, "Okay, so, tell me how it really is. Who mines your diamonds?" and he was like, "I dunno." Retard. I had a good time, but I don't think I'll return.
Luxembourg
Clean, good food, etc. Basically, it's what you'd expect. Everything closes early.
Barcelona
It's a weird-looking place, but being there was fun. I guess the only problem I had was that their fruit is very bland. The ice cream was great, though, and there was some very imaginative food, which I liked, and of course we all love art. I doubt most people make it a priority to visit the zoo in Barcelona, but I had a great time there. We were sitting next to a white gorilla cage and this one gorilla got mad and charged us, then ran into the glass and fell back. It was cute. My dog does the same thing. I loved the Boqueria, which is this creepy outdoor food market with lots of pretty fruit stands next to skinned carcasses in giant ice-filled display cases. People brought their dogs, which made me miss my dog, because she would have loved it.
Anyway, that's where I went this summer, and that's my little travel guide. Maybe later I'll remember more stuff, but considering how many places I went in such little time, I'm going to give myself a pat on the back for remembering anything at all.
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