List! Liszt? No, List!

Top things people do that annoy me that I do now:
1. Talk about their bodies. This may not count because I think I always did it, but it annoys the SHIT out of me and I have to stop doing it. It's like, the more I talk about body image x, the worse I'll feel about it, right? And if I talk about my gorgeous fat ass, then my flat-butted companions will feel :( inside. So either way, when you (I) talk about your (my) body, positive or negative, you're (I'm) a dick. The madness ends here. I officially don't give a shit about my or anyone else's body, unless it's super-fat or super-sexy. Call me on it. I'll call you on it.
2. Care about celebrity gossip. I didn't do this before. I do now. And I shouldn't. I haven't even seen an Angelina Jolie movie since "Girl, Interrupted" - why do I care about her kids or feuds or whatever? And why do I dislike Paris Hilton so much when I've never even met her? It's a strange thing, my fascination with celebrities, and even though it's a waste of time, I'm not going to stop obsessing. It's too much fun. But I will never use nicknames to refer to a person I haven't met (or will I?).
3. Call Williamsburg Billyburg. I hate this. I do it every single day. Whatever.
4. Go to Billyburg. It's crawling with awkward hipsters and it's impossible to get to from my neighborhood and all there is to do is spend money on pointless crap, but now, I find it fun. Impossible to tell if it's because my tastes have matured or because I'm getting dumber.
5. Abbreviate in text messages and IM conversations. cu l8r qt! Blarg. But it's so much easier than typing out, see you later, cutie, especially on a phone.
6. IM. I stopped IMing like five years ago. It was pointless. I've started again. Most of my conversations go like this:
Me: how r u?
Them: ok, u?
Me: no response
The urge to reach out and touch someone through a computer... it's overwhelming, yet its power wanes quickly.
7. Use a DivaCup. I used to think they were just for the butchest of dykes. Now I realize that those dykes are smarter than I am.
8. Wear formless dresses. I've spent hundreds of moneys on them when just a few years ago, I thought they were ugly as hell. I was probably right before.

I don't know if anybody ever thought of this before, but I've realized something: as people get older, their tastes change. Surely this insight will win me a Nobel Prize. First person to write me a power ballad gets to take a trip to Stockholm with me.