Excerpt from "The Penis Monologues"

Today this slut bitch I was gonna hook up with laughed at me. She said I was short and thin, and I was like, bitch, I'm a grower, not a shower, now get down on your knees, but she just ran out of the room. Probably a dyke, right? LOL!!!!! Anyway, after that, I had to show the world I'm a real man, so I went to go beat up some fags, but I guess they've been spending a lot of time at the fag gym cause they're so faggy, so they kicked me! NOT COOL!!!!!!! Anyway, I wasn't gonna get laid, so I went home, opened a cold beer, put an ice pack on my nuts, and watched some Skinemax.